Are you sitting comfortably?
by hollyhobbit101
Summary: The demigods have all grown up and now have children of their own. Each night the children hear stories of what their parents did when they were younger. See what happens when Leo Valdez takes over this role.
1. Meeting the kids

**Disclaimer: Rick Riordan owns all the characters. I own nothing except for the children who will take a more active role in future chapters.**

Are you sitting comfortably?

Leo looked around the crowded room. He saw his wife Calypso sitting next to him, a mass of kids in front of him and the rest of the adults in the corner. It was his turn to tell a few stories to the kids and he'd been looking forward to it for ages. Now he was slightly daunted by the little faces looking up at him expectantly.

There were his own two children Esperanza and Rose, Percy and Annabeth's children Charlie and Sally, Frank and Hazel's child Sammy and Jason and Piper's children Thalia and Mitchell. Even Nico and Will's adopted child Hope was there. He swallowed nervously.

'So. Guys. Erm…' He looked to the side. Calypso just rolled her eyes at him and motioned for him to carry on. He tried again.  
'Okay. I'm Leo and I've been told I've got to tell you stuff about what we did when we were younger. So. What do you want to hear first?'  
All the children shouted ideas at him and created such a din, everyone had to put their hands over their ears.  
'ALL RIGHT!' Leo yelled until they'd all calmed down. 'Here's an idea. You put all your suggestions into a box and I'll draw them out. Okay?'  
They all nodded. Once the box was full (it was very small), Leo drew one out. He looked at it and grinned mischievously.

'Are you sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin…'

**The content in the chapters will be both canon and non-canon. I am open to requests which you can post in the review section or PM me. So read and enjoy! Reviews would be good too if you want to post one.**


	2. Return of a Hero

**Disclaimer: Rick Riordan owns all the characters. I own nothing except for the children.**

Return of a Hero

'It was on a dark winter's night when…'  
'Leo.' Drat. Calypso was already onto him about something. 'You have to tell them what it's about. Honestly. I may have lived on an island for three thousand years but I do know how to talk to children.'  
'Fine. This one is about when I returned back to camp with Calypso here. Whose suggestion was this?'  
A shy looking girl raised her hand. It was Thalia Grace who was nothing like her namesake. She had blonde hair and huge blue eyes that could win even the toughest *cough*Clarisse*cough* person over.

'Okay. Let's carry on shall we? It was on a dark winter's night when a huge bronze dragon landed on a grassy hill. It had just begun to storm heavily and the two riders were drenched and shivering.'  
'But why didn't you use your fire? It would make sense wouldn't it?' Leo sighed. Of course, little Sally Jackson would always find a loophole in everything.  
'Because the rain stopped it from working. Do you know what I think caused that storm? I reckon it was Jason over there. He was probably in a mood about something and decided to make it rain to match his mood.'  
The children all laughed at that, although Thalia and Mitchell were looking at their father a little warily.  
'Hey. It's not my fault Dad can create thunder storms at will. Blame him, not me.'  
'Um… I'd rather not Jace. I don't really want to get in trouble with Zeus again. Not after I came back to the dead. He was really, erm, he was really irritated with me.'

'Back to the story. So the two riders were soaked to the skin and were thankful when they saw a bit of shelter. They landed the dragon on the hill and trudged up it. Now, unbeknownst to our heroes, the place they had landed at was none other than Camp Half-Blood for Greek demigods. The sound of them landing had woken all of the campers up with the exception of the Hypnos cabin. Honestly, those guys sleep really deeply and snore like complete pigs.'  
Again, everyone in the room laughed. Leo bowed like a stage performer.

'Thank you, thank you. You're too kind really.' However, he stopped when he caught the warning look in his wife's eyes.  
'Anyway… Where was I? Ah yes. Everyone was emerging from their cabins in a wide variety of clothing. Some had pyjamas on, some were wearing amour, some of the Aphrodite girls had rollers in their hair and all their makeup was smudged. It was hilarious really. Sorry Pipes! I didn't mean you! So, most of them had a weapon at least and they were charging up towards us. Fortunately, I found some white material in my trusty belt and started waving it to say that we came in peace. They all slowed down, confused. I heard lots of mutterings about who we were.

'Is that who I think it is?'  
'Can't be, he's dead.'  
'Who's that he's with?'  
'Ugh. She can do sooo much better than him.'

'You get the idea. Some of these comments came from your siblings, Piper and I'm not too happy with what they said. But that's past the point. Finally, I heard a familiar voice and saw a friendly face. Actually, looking back on it now, it wasn't that friendly at all. It was in the shape of Piper McLean marching up to me, red in the face. When she reached me, she stared at me for a second and then raised her hand and slapped me round the face. So here's a warning to you. Stay on the right side of Piper Grace.'

'Then she hugged me. Talk about mood swings. Jason came up as well and he joined in the hug which was where it got a little weird to say the least. But I put up with it. Calypso was standing off to the side, a bit awkwardly so I introduced her and she hit it off with everyone else immediately. I was welcomed back as a hero and a saviour because it was down to me that Gaia won't be killing anyone anymore. Well, maybe not all down to me. Everyone else did their share as well. So there you have it. Now, what's next?'

**I'm still taking requests if anyone wants to submit any. As usual post them either in the review section or PM me.**


	3. Attack of the Drunken Maenads!

**Sorry it's been so long since I updated last but I've had that much else to do. So, thanks go to Kendra PJO for prompting this chapter and I'm still open to suggestions.**

**Disclaimer: Rick Riordan owns all the characters. I own nothing except for the children.**

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Attack of the Drunken Maenads!  
Leo snagged another slip of paper. He was really beginning to enjoy this job though the kids could be a little bit too loud for his liking sometimes. He read what was written on it and he was sure his face turned red as a beet. How the hell had those kids found out about that incident with the Maenads? It must have been Thalia or Mitchell because Jason and Piper were the only ones that were present at the time.

'All right.' He said looking at the Grace kids. 'Which one of you put this in about the Maenads?' The two children looked at one another in confusion. They hadn't heard of Maenads in their lives, but now they certainly wanted to know why their Uncle Leo had got so embarrassed!  
'Neither of us did it.' Mitchell piped up. 'Who are the Maenads?'  
'Well if it wasn't you, who was it?' A giggle in the crowd interrupted Leo's thoughts. Of course, Hope Solace-Angelo would do that sort of thing.  
'Okay, you sneaky daughter of Hermes, how did you know about this?'  
'I heard Uncle Jason and Auntie Piper talking about it before.' Hope said this so innocently, Leo found it impossible to stay mad at her. Being the daughter of Hermes, she knew all the tricks to get away with things.

'Fine. I'll tell you about it only if you can keep it a secret. Clear? Good. So, I suppose it was my fault really although I still blame the Windex. I polished Buford with Windex when I knew he prefers Lemon Pledge with extra moisturizing formula. He got upset and ran off. That was bad because the two syncopators I needed were in his drawers. If I didn't get them back within the next hour the bunker would blow up and destroy everything in the surrounding area.'

'So Piper, Jason and I went out to find Buford. On the way we met a bunch of Dionysus's followers. There were called the Maenads and were drunk basically all the time because they drank so much. They killed anything that wasn't Dionysus. They basically turned into snarling raging beasts and ripped the… Sorry. You don't really need to know that do you? Anyway, they asked us if we were Dionysus and, because we needed to get to Buford, I said yes. They asked me a ton of question to check if I was really Dionysus.

Of course I wasn't Dionysus and they were suspicious. One of them gave me three chances to prove myself. I had to tell them the order of their revelries and then they asked me to sing the Bacchanalian Jingle which was what they started with. I sung the theme tune for Psych instead and they decided that I wasn't Dionysus and they were going to kill me, Jason and Piper. We ran but they ran after us. Nothing could stop them. Literally nothing. I even set them on fire but they happen to be immune to it. They were super-strong so it seemed like there was no way to stop them. We couldn't kill them. But, as usual, Leo saved the day with a quick, last-minute plan.

Jason went off to find Buford while Piper and I led the Maenads to Bunker 9. Piper charmspoke the Maenads while I set up the trap. I set off an instant party which wasn't bad for just two minutes work. In fact, I'd say it was rather good! But, anyway, due to my brilliance, and a tad of charmspeak…'  
'Leo, you no good liar, if I recall correctly, my charmspeak stopped you from getting ripped to pieces!'  
'You just had to bring that up didn't you? Back to the story. I captured the Maenads in Hephaestian netting that would stop them from escaping. The story concludes in me stopping the explosion and everyone thinking I was amazing. The end. Now kids, remember, don't tell anyone else about this. Dionysus would never forgive me if he knew I'd impersonated him. Are we all clear?'  
The kids all nodded fervently, although Leo didn't like the sneaky looks on Charlie, Sally and Hope's faces.

'Okay. Just remember, I'll be watching, always watching. So, shall we see what's next?'


	4. Pranking Percy

**Sorry it's been a while since I last updated but I'm a pretty bad updater. Sorry! Thanks for this prompt goes to Guest. It was a slightly odd request so I'm not sure if I've done what that person meant or not. Enough of my waffling, here's the story.**

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Pranking Percy  
As Leo looked at the next bit of paper, an idea began to form in his mind. Instead of just random stories, he could do a series of Leo Valdez escapades. Yeah, he definitely liked it.

'So, kids, this person's asked about pranks we did on the Argo II because we were all starved for entertainment. I'm going to do a series of stories about pranks we pulled on each other.'  
'You means pranks **you **pulled on the rest of us,' Annabeth pointed out.  
'Whatever, Chase. Sorry, Jackson. Anyhow, is that okay with everyone?'  
Eight heads bobbed up and down.  
'Good because I was going to do it anyway. How about I do one for each person on that Argo? Okay? Let's start with Percy. Let's see. Oh, I've got a really good one! You remember the bean sprouts, Percy?'  
'Don't even go there, Leo.'  
'Too late. Already have. So basically, Annabeth was nagging Percy to eat some healthy food for a change. All he ate was pizza and pancakes and stuff like that.'

'Hey! I needed my energy. Fighting monsters is hard work!'  
'Yes, I know, Percy. I was there too. But, seriously, it's a wonder you didn't get fat, you ate that much.'  
'What about you with all your Fonzies?'  
'That was different. Can I continue now? So Percy agreed to eat something healthy and the first thing Annabeth thought of was bean sprouts. This might seem like a random choice but she had good reason. Bean sprouts taste watery, clean and fresh and if anything was going to attract Percy, it was water.'

'The thing is, I thought Annabeth was being a bit harsh on Percy. And I didn't want the guy suddenly turning to a huge veggie lover and shaming all of us people who eat rubbish. So I, as usual, had a brilliant idea to stop Percy from even touching a vegetable for a period of at least a month.'

'It had to be done secretly. So what I did was program Festus to set off a monster alert just as our meals were served. When the alarm went off, everyone ran up on deck to fight off any monsters attacking our ship. I lingered for a while behind the others and, when they were all out of sight, sprinkled a super-hot chilli powder on Percy's sprouts. This powder was invisible and would only become apparent when tasted.'

'That was you? You set off that alarm and sent us all into a panic?'  
'Chill, Annabeth. It was all for a good cause, namely destroying your plan to get Percy to eat healthy.'  
'Exactly. I think…'  
'Can I finish now? Thanks. So, anyway, we decided it was a false alarm and we sat down to eat. Percy, just to show Annabeth, jammed a whole forkful of bean sprouts in his mouth. The reaction was priceless. His eyes literally bulged out of his head and I swear I could see smoke coming out of his! Gods, it was funny. He gulped down two whole glasses of water before he could speak again. Since then, he's never even touched a bean sprout and now, even though he knows the truth, I bet he still won't eat them.'

By this time, the kids were all in stitches on the floor and Percy was glowering at Leo. The other adults, all with varying stages of amusement on their faces, were sizing Leo up, thinking about all the times something mysterious had happened to them on the Argo II.

Similarly, Leo was thinking which person he should target for humiliation next. He didn't want to over-do it though. Having at least six angry demigods on his tail swearing to send him to Hades the hard way was **not **on Leo's bucket list.

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**Sorry it was so short! I need ideas for pranks Leo could have pulled on the rest of the seven and maybe I'll do one for Nico too. If you have an idea, well, you know the drill by now. Until the next time!**


	5. Riddle me This

**A/N: Hi guys! I'm sorry I haven't updated in ages but I had really bad writers block and couldn't think of any ideas. Fortunately, I have gotten over the bane of every writer's existence and I'm back. Thanks for the prompting of this chapter goes to a friend of mine who is not on Fanfiction but she helped me all the same.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own PJO/HoO or any of the characters.**

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Riddle me This

Leo's mischievous eyes scanned the assembly of adults. He spotted a pair of stormy grey eyes watching his suspiciously and he remembered something.  
'Why, Annabeth. I think it's only fitting you should have your turn now.'  
'W-what did you trick me with? I always figured out your pranks before they actually happened.'  
'Really? Then surely you'll know about this and won't mind me telling these lovely children.'  
'You're going to whether I like it or not.' Annabeth pointed out.  
Leo's composed demeanour cracked and he grinned widely. ''Course I am. Right, enough of the chitter-chatter and onto the story.'

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'Whenever we had spare time on the Argo II, and I'm telling you there wasn't a lot of it; we had to grab it with both hands and hold on tight when we saw it...' He cleared his throat. 'Anyway, when we had spare, monster-free time, we each like to do our own thing. For example, I like tinkering with the engines, and Miss Jackson over here loved problem solving.'

'Now, I was bored one of the days and decided to play a little trick on her. All my previous attempts (and there had been a lot) had failed, but I was almost certain this would work. I crept into her cabin while she was off doing something with Percy. Come to think of it, that might have been the time Frank caught you two asleep together in the hull. I can only imagine the look on his face...'

'Leo! We said never to mention that! And we didn't even do anything.'  
'Kissed a couple of times.'  
'Percy! Not helping!.'

'Annabeth. Chill. I wasn't going to elaborate. Much. Anyway, I planted something in the drawer where I knew she kept her puzzles and went out. I sat in the corridor where I pretended to fix something and listened. Soon, Annabeth came along the corridor, glanced at me and rolled her eyes, and walked into her cabin. I heard her open her drawer and take something out. Sure enough, soon I...'

'Hey. Did you two just repeat the exact same conversation we had when I caught you sleeping together?' Frank asked, pointing at Percy and Annabeth.  
'Did you only just work that out Frank?' Leo rolled his eyes. 'Blimey, I knew you were slow but- Figured out those Chinese handcuffs yet?'  
'I'm gonna kill you, Valdez.'  
'I'm just kidding. Look, can I continue? Thanks.'

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'So, soon enough, I began to hear sounds of frustration coming from the cabin. Eventually, I heard Annabeth slam something down and she came storming out of her cabin, banging the door after her. Once I was certain she was out of sight, I snuck in. True to what I thought, lying on the bed was my trick. You see, I had made a crossword puzzle that would change slightly every time you got close to solving it. Only a number or two would change but it would make sure it was completely unsolvable.'

'That was you? I just thought I kept getting things wrong in my frustration.' Annabeth's eyes were wide and her grey eyes were flashing dangerously.  
'Yeah, sure it was. Told you I'd get around you some way.' Leo's grin faltered as Annabeth started towards him.

Percy grabbed her arm. 'Not now, Annabeth. Once we're out of here, I promise you can kill him as much as you want. Just... Not now. Please?' Percy made the seal eyes that usually won Annabeth over.  
'Fine. I think there'll be lots of people baying for his blood once we're through, but I get first dibs, all right?' She looked around at everyone who all nodded quickly.

'Okay...' Leo exhaled. He'd got away with it again. 'Next up, I think...'

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**A/N: How was it? Reviews are much appreciated, as are suggestions. I already have ideas for Piper and Nico, but if you have ideas for any of the others, I'll be glad to hear them! Until next time, fellow writers.**


	6. Pretty in Pink

**A/N: Hi guys! I had such a good response from my last chapter, thank you all! Thanks for all your support and the reviews are much appreciated. This chapter was prompted by CarlaKitten21, another good friend of mine who's helped me out a lot in the past. I personally found the idea hilarious, and just the sort of thing Leo would do, so here it is.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own PJO/HoO or any of the characters.**

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Pretty in Pink

'Neeks? How about you?'

'First of all, Valdez, do not call me that. Secondly, I wasn't on the Argo II long enough for you to prank me.'

Leo laughed. 'You really, honestly think that? If you think that, you don't know me. You see, kids, Nico's always so boring with the way he dresses. Black jeans, black T-shirt, black jacket, black everything. I think the brightest thing he's ever worn is a jumper with a red pattern on it. Oh, wait, there was that...'

'Not one more word.' Nico warned.

'That time that you wore the Hawaiian shirt on your quest. I mean, I couldn't believe you wore that when I saw you. I didn't recognize you for a moment.'

'Look, if you're going to embarrass me, just do it, please.'

'With pleasure. So, I was wondering round the Argo II one day on my way to the engine room when I spotted Nico's temporary cabin door open. He had his drawer open a bit and in it were a ton of black clothes. Only black. Boring. So, I got Buford to stand guard outside the door and asked him to alert me if anyone came down the corridor. I got to work.'

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'Within a few minutes I had concocted a mixture made out of oil, gas, breath mints and food colouring. So far so good. I then took out a black t-shirt of Nico's and dipped it into the mixture. I held it under for a couple of second and took it out. Voila! An instant clothes dye. The t-shirt was now a beautiful hot pink colour!'

Leo paused for breath. He could see the children holding back giggles. Hope's face was very sneaky. That daughter of Hermes would remember this to use as ammo to tease her adoptive father. Leo approved! Nico was extremely red (with rage or embarrassment, Leo couldn't tell. He suspected it was a bit of both.) and he had his face in his hands.

'I got to work turning the rest of his clothes hot pink. Buford hadn't made a sound so I was in the clear. When I'd finally finished, and to be fair it didn't take that long. The kid just didn't have many clothes. Anyway, when I'd finished, I crept out again and went to the engine room to work on Festus. Soon enough, I heard exclamations of surprise and raging. Nico came storming through the corridors dressed in dirty black clothes, wielding the hot pink ones. He raged about it, threatening to throw the person who'd done it into the Plegethon. Remind me never to make that kid angry again.'

'Too late.' Yep, it was definitely anger on Nico's face now. No doubt Leo would get what for later. But it was worth it!

'The others promised him that we'd stop off somewhere so that he could get some new clothes, but he had to parade around in hot pink for a week! It was hilarious! A thoroughly enjoyable week, I assure you. Now, next on the agenda is...'

'Leo. Look at the time.' Calypso pointed to the clock. Dam. It was time to leave.

'Okay, kids. That's enough for tonight. But I promise that I'll be back tomorrow night. At least I hope I will...' He glanced round at the angry faces of Percy, Annabeth and Nico, and at the pensive faces of Jason, Piper, Frank and Hazel. Suddenly, he wasn't so sure.

'Night, guys.' Leo tried to make his escape.

'Uh, Leo? A word please.' For some reason the tone in Percy's voice didn't exactly fill Leo with confidence.

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**A/N: Just for clarification, this is NOT the end. Don't worry, there are many more pranks and mischievous escapades to come! Thanks for reading and, until the next time, bye!**


	7. A Mother's Touch

**A/N: I am so so so sorry that this chapter has been so long in coming. I've had exams to contend with and severe writer's block. I've been trying to come up with a plot for this for weeks and weeks. Inspiration has finally hit me so we can get on.**

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A Mother's Touch

'Alright cupcakes, what's all this about?' Coach Hedge's voice rang out over the chatter of small children. The old satyr walked in, using his baseball bat as a cane and followed by Mellie and Chuck. The adults all turned to greet him.

'Coach! We didn't know you were coming. How are you?'

'Got an Iris message from Valdez telling me to come here. And I might not be as young as I once was, but I've still got it.' He hefted his bat onto his shoulder and glared round at them all. They unconsciously backed away a little. They knew from experience that Coach Hedge had still 'got it'.

'Where is Valdez anyway?' He asked, looking around.

'Erm... We don't-

Percy was cut off by the sound of voices coming from down the hallway. They strained to listen.

'But they aren't finished yet. I still need to attach a gear to one of them and switch the-'

'I don't care what you have to do. Put them down right now or I will make you do all of my jobs for the rest of the month.'

'Yes Sunshine.' A very irate looking Calypso stalked in, with Leo, Esperanza and Rose. Leo sat down in front of the waiting children and cleared his throat.

'Hello again kids. Sorry about that. Anyway, I'd like to introduce you to Coach Gleeson Hedge, Mellie and Chuck. You'll hear a bit more about them later. Right, where was I? Oh, right. Hmmm, Piper it's your turn. I've got a cracking one for you.'

'I didn't get much chance to play tricks on Piper because she always saw through me. I did manage to pull one of though. I'd been put on cabin cleaning duty by Annabeth because I'd accidentally burnt some of her plans. It was an accident and I'm sure they weren't important anyway. I got bored and stated pulling things out of my tool belt. I fiddled with them for a while and ended up making a pen. This wasn't any old pen though. It had a little keyboard and a digital screen. I played around with it for a bit and discovered that if I inputted a name it would write in that person's handwriting. An-'

'Hang on,' interrupted Frank. 'How on earth did you manage to build that while just 'messing around'?'

'Frank. I made Annabeth's ever-changing sudoku. I fixed Festus after he'd been rampaging around the woods for months. I completely rebuilt him inside the ship without any of you lot noticing. I'm naturally brilliant. What can I say?'

Frank sighed but he didn't get a chance to say any more as Leo began again,

'As I was saying, an idea started to form in my mind. It was a brilliant trick that I was sure even Piper wouldn't work out. Fortunately we needed some supplies for the ship so I docked at the next port and went off on my own to get the stuff. I returned about two hours later with the supplies, a bag of Fonzies (to detach suspicion from the amount of time I was away) and a whole carrier of designer clothes and make-up and stuff. I told everyone I was going to drop the supplies off then go back to work on the cabin and asked if they could all stay away from that area. They all nodded without looking up from their jobs so I continued with my plan.

I went into Piper's room with the bag of clothes and stuff and a plastic bag for 'rubbish'. I opened all her drawers and removed all her clothes and stuffed them in the bag. I then neatly (yes, Annabeth, I can be neat sometimes) folded the new clothes and placed them in the drawers along with the make-up. I'd recently found an awesome hiding place on the ship which even I hadn't realised I'd built in and shoved the plastic bag inside. I retrieved my newly-built pen and typed in 'APHRODITE' and wrote a quick note that read:

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I thought your clothes needed a little sprucing up, dear. Really, they are very shabby. And _so_ last season. Hope you like them!

-Mum'

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This earned different reactions from everyone in the room. The children were all rocking with laughter (for Leo had put on a terrible imitation of Aphrodite's voice), Piper was as red as a beet and was glaring daggers at Leo and everyone else was shaking their heads. Leo waited for a moment before carrying on.

'I put this note on top of the clothes and waited. Now, my plan took a while to work because I had to wait until the next morning, but, I'll tell you what, it was definitely worth the wait. The next morning started with sounds of destruction coming from Piper's room. Everyone (including me, faking concern) rushed down to see Piper rootling through her stuff desperately trying to find something. That something was, of course, her ordinary clothes. She cursed Aphrodite, which I wondered was a good idea. I suddenly had a horrible feeling that Aphrodite might take revenge on me for doing this, but I quickly dismissed that thought. To be honest, I think she thanked me for actually getting Piper to wear in fashion clothes, although she did flatly refuse the make-up.

I returned her clothes after two days. Honestly, I didn't think it was safe to leave it any longer. Even that long of her stomping around the ship in her designer clothes was enough to get me twitchy and nervous. Trust me, this daughter of Aphrodite can wield more than a plastic hairbrush! Just to keep up the act, I programmed the pen to Aphrodite again and wrote a second note:

* * *

Well, really dear, I did hope you'd be a little more appreciative of your clothes. They were so nice, and suited you perfectly.

Someday you'll learn, I hope.

-Mum'

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'I swear, Leo, if you ever try anything like that again...' Piper left the threat hanging. Leo's over-active mind was running through all the different tortures she could subject him to: using that permanent make-up on him, barricading him from his workshop for a week, blowing up Bunker 9... Well, maybe that last one was a bit over the top but you just never knew with Piper. Leo grimaced and turned back to the waiting children.

'On that cheerful note, kids, let's move on...'

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**A/N: Again, I apologise for how much I've neglected this story. I've just been so focused on my Doctor Who story and my schoolwork and exams and, of course, writer's block have been keeping me away for so long. Still, I never meant to leave it this long. My deepest apologies once more. Please read and review (if you have an idea for a trick for any of the remaining Seven, and that includes Leo, please tell me) and hopefully the next chapter shall be up shortly!**


	8. Stay Sharp

**A/N: Jaspercabeth83 requested that I do Jason for this one and I was only too happy to oblige. It took me a while to come up with a plot but I finally found one, so I hope you enjoy!**

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Stay Sharp

"Hmmmm, who shall I target now?" Leo's eyes scanned the adults and cast his mind back to his pranking heyday on the Argo II. As he looked at Jason he remembered one incident that was just too hilarious to miss out. "Jason, dude! Have I got something to embarrass you?"

Leo turned back round to the kids who were looking at him expectantly. He took a moment to let the anticipation heighten, and then began.

"I'm guessing you all know about how Jason got that little scar on his lip?"

Everyone nodded and exchanged smirks, except for the two Grace children, Thalia and Mitchell, who looked completely mystified.

"You two seriously don't know? I suppose that makes sense. Well, when he was about two years old, he decided that it would be fun to eat a stapler. Needless to say, it most certainly was not fun and he got a permanent scar on his upper lip."

The pair giggled and glanced at their father, who had his head in his hands.

"And that brings me on nicely to my story. Because of that moment when he was two, Jason Grace has hated having to use staplers. It's not a fear or anything, he's just afraid that he's going to cut himself again. Which is ironic considering that he was cut up and bruised almost every day back then. Huh.

Anyway, as always, I managed to find a way to use this weakness against him. Because of my tool belt I'm able to pull anything small out of thin air, such as, I don't know, a pack of staples maybe?"

To prove his point, Leo reached into his omnipresent tool belt and produced with a flourish a pack of 100 staples.

* * *

"I had a limitless supply so I could keep this going for weeks at a time if I wanted to. What I did was slip the staples into things like Jason's food and his bed and in his notebooks and I sometimes even attached one or two to his clothes. As a result, he would get pricked every time he ate, slept, wrote and out on his clothes. It was actually quite funny to see him keep picking staples out of his food with a weird expression on his face!

The best thing, though, was that he wanted to find out what was going on so he asked me and Percy to help him! Neither Percy nor Jason are exactly renowned for their smartness and... What?"

This last exclamation was brought on by the fact that both Jason and Percy were glaring at him with their hands twitching by their sides, as if they couldn't wait to wrap them around Leo's neck.

"Oh, come on guys. You're not the sharpest tools in the shed are you? You aren't Athena's children. Don't get me wrong, you're both great at sending monsters back where they belong but wits are not your strength."

"I faked concern and pretended to help Jason and Percy catch out the person putting out the staples by rigging up a load of cameras all over the ship. Of course I managed to edit the camera feed so I could go about my business without getting caught and they were also very useful for spying on everybody around the ship when I got bored."

* * *

I kept this up for about two weeks or so, but then I was sort of forced to give it up seeing as the war with Gaia was beginning and that. Still, it was fun while it lasted."

"That one was a bit boring, wasn't it? I'll try and do a better one next. Let's see..."

* * *

**A/N: I am aware that this one was not my best and it is below my usual standard. I was struggling a bit for ideas for Jason and this is the best I could come up with. It took me ages to write and I'm still not very satisfied with it but it's the best I've got. As usual, please review. I love to hear what you lot think!**


	9. A Change of Scenery

**A/N: I seem to be doing this every chapter at the minute but I'm sorry for leaving it this long. However, in light of the fact that today is my one-year anniversary here on FanFiction I have decided to update a bunch of stories. Honestly, this was one of the hardest to come up with because Hazel's just too nice to have tricks played on her!**

* * *

A Change of Scenery

"As I'm sure you all know, Hazel and Nico here come from the past. Nico had a lot more time than Hazel to adjust seeing as he was actually alive all those years. Anyway, before I took her under my wing, she didn't even know what a chicken nugget was! Can you believe that?"

Apparently they couldn't. Every single one of the children looked at Leo with shocked, wide eyes.

"I thought not. But it wasn't just chicken nuggets that Hazel hadn't heard of. Many modern appliances were a mystery to her. I'm sure that once I caught her watching for when the light in the fridge turned off."

"I wasn't that bad, Leo. You just made that up." Despite that, Hazel was still blushing furiously. Leo grinned at her.

"Whatever. Anyway, as she was so clueless about technology, I decided to give her a bit of a lesson. On a routine maintenance check of the ship I snuck into Hazel's cabin and started replacing items with modern things. I also added a few things too. For example, a stack of drachmas for Iris Messages were replaced by a phone, a few novels on the desk were replaced with a Kindle and just for good measure I'd chucked an I-Pad onto the bed. I just want to point out at this stage that I had monster-proofed all these things before-hand so I was not responsible for any monster attacks."

"That's... reassuring," muttered Percy.

"To mess with her further, I made her plate produce nothing but chicken nuggets, fries and Coke. I was funny to see the confusion on her face as she tried to make it give her what she'd normally eat."

"You are so dead, Valdez," Frank growled from his corner. Leo wondered if he'd turn into a bear or something. That promised entertainment. But, no, he just stayed as regular old Frank, albeit with a bright red face and a furious expression. It wasn't even his story. Boy, had Leo got something cooked up for him!

"Ah, just think of it as a little induction ceremony. It was fine, and Hazel didn't mind, did you?"

"Well..."

"Anyway, I gave her a little education on what lay on her plate, and I did the same when she found the stuff in her cabin. She'd asked me to help, you see because I was the techy guy and would know stuff like this."

"Actually, it was because you were right outside my door fixing something," Hazel piped up.

Leo groaned. "I know that, Hazel. I was just trying to impress them. Stop ruining my reputation."

"You mean the shreds of your reputation," Will added, helpfully.

"Thanks guys. Really. Now, can I carry on please? Good. Hazel was addicted to the I-Pad after I'd talked her through how to use it and she spent all night browsing the Internet and playing Crossy Road and things like that. And she developed a real taste for chicken nuggets. My goal had succeeded!"

Leo beamed round at the kids with a grin of pride on his face. "Frank, you're next! Have I got something for you!

* * *

**A/N: I really hope Leo had something for Frank 'cause I haven't got a clue. Daughter of Olympus 2 requested that I post a list of who's already been done so here you go: Percy, Annabeth, Piper, Jason, Nico and Hazel. Still looking for ideas for: Frank, Coach Hedge and another one for Nico because I have a plan for the last chapter and MusicalShards has been asking for one and they fit in perfectly together.**

**As usual, tell me what you think, point out any mistakes I have made and I'll post another chapter soon (hopefully)!**


	10. A Prank for Frank

**A/N: At long last, here is Frank's prank. I've been asking for ideas because I've been really stuck for him and now I have something by mashing DM's (Guest), MusicalShards's and riptidedauntlessgryffindor's ideas together into one massive trick. So, for the third day of FanFiction I give to you...**

* * *

A Prank for Frank

"As promised, Frank, you're up next. Okay, kids, Frank and I never really had a close bond on the Argo II. We clashed heads a lot and it was pretty funny at times because of Frank's 'special ability'," Leo said, making quote marks in the air with his fingers. "I, of course, managed to put his talents to a greater use than ever before: For my amusement!" Leo paused to let what he'd said sink in and then took a deep breath.

* * *

"When I discovered Frank's abilities I immediately had to put it to use. I racked my brains looking for something that was both suitable for Frank and would ensure complete embarrassment for him and great fun for me. It was then that I realised the cabins hadn't been decorated in a long time."

Leo quickly looked into the faces of each child. Some, such as Esperanza and Rose (who had inherited their father's sneaky nature), we're already giggling to themselves. Charlie, Sally and Hope were just beginning to understand what Leo had implied and the rest were still clueless. Leo smiled mischievously. He would definitely get a good reaction from this one.

* * *

"The first thing I did was get a supply of paint from various stores on our journey and sneak them on board ship. I hid them in various places around the ship, making sure they were all quite close to Frank's cabin. I might have spilt a little bit but that cleaned up pretty well."

"So that was what that weird smell hanging round my cabin was," Frank exclaimed.

"Oh, come on, Frank. You didn't seriously believe my story about there being a gas leak, did you? We were on a ship!"

Frank turned beetroot red and hid his face as the children laughed. Leo rolled his eyes before turning back to his enthralled audience.

"When the coast was clear I snuck into Frank's cabin with all the tins of paint plus a few extra things I'd picked up and set to work. I covered the walls and ceiling with shades of blue and green and decorated it with patterns I thought would match Frank perfectly. When I was done, I shoved everything into the control room (no one ever went in there except for me) and joined the others to eat. Frank left early because he'd been guarding all day so I tried not to act suspicious whilst still listening out for Frank's reaction to my handiwork.

* * *

Sure enough, we soon heard a huge roar come from the cabins. It didn't sound human, though so all of us, including me, ran to see what had happened. What we found was Frank standing in the middle of his room as a bear. Clearly he had got so angry at my modifications to his room that he had lost control over his powers and changed to a bear by default. When he changed back, he did put two and two together and figure out it was me but he had given me some useful information.

What I proceeded to do was constantly engineer situations that would provoke Frank into changing. For example, I was the one who suggested he go look in the stables for Percy and Annabeth that day. I knew they'd been in there because of the security footage but Frank didn't and his embarrassment was so great that he changed into a horse to try and blend into his surroundings.

I also installed a noise machine near his room once and played sounds of monsters attacking while he slept. He got so scared once that he turned into a mouse!"

"That was cruel, Leo," Hazel reproached him.

"Maybe," he responded. "But you have to admit that it was funny. They think it was anyway." He gestures towards the children who were all in various stages of laughter. Even Frank had to allow a smile at their happy faces.

* * *

"Alright, kids, we have time for about two more stories, but I won't be telling the last one. Don't worry, I'll leave you in capable hands. I will be telling the next one though. Coach, this is where you come in."

* * *

**A/N: I messed up yesterday. I accidentally said that my one shot challenge would be updated today but that is the one intended for tomorrow. Sorry to those of you who were expecting that, but I hope you weren't disappointed with this one. Tomorrow: One-Shot Challenge (for definite this time!)**


	11. Hedge Mark II

**A/N: Yes I am only just writing this two days after it was supposed to be published. Sorry. I'm just such a procrastinator and it's really bad when it comes to things like this.**

**Guest: Thank you so much. I'm so happy you love the story!**

**For the seventh day of FanFiction I present to you...**

* * *

Hedge Mark II

At Leo's last words, the Coach spun and glared at him.

"Alright, Valdez, I might like you and I might be old but I'm still perfectly capable of roundhouse kicking you upside the head if this is anything insulting."

Leo gulped. "Don't worry Coach. This one was a team effort so I won't be the only ass you have to kick."

Amid glares from his friends - for his use of 'ass' in front of the kids or for announcing the team effort he wasn't sure - Leo turned and faced the kids.

* * *

"It really was a group thing this one, kids. I'm not just saying that to avoid the full extent of Coach's wrath, although that might just be part of the reason. Maybe. Anyway, point is, it wasn't just me playing pranks on the Argo."

"Actually Leo," Jason interrupted. "It was. If you remember, none of the rest of us wanted to do it but you forced us."

Leo groaned and face-palmed while the kids laughed. Why did Jason have to go and ruin it like that?

"Whatever. It was still a group thing. I'm sure you've all heard of Mini Hedge but I'm going to explain it anyway. When the Coach had to chaperone Nico and Reyna on their side quest thingy, we needed someone to keep an eye on us. And by we I mean Percy and Annabeth of course.

My solution to this dilemma was to create a holographic Hedge to install on Buford so that he could still yell at us whilst being thousands of miles away. The only problem here was that we had no footage to use for the hologram. This is where the prank begins."

* * *

"I gathered together my team of willing -"

Percy coughed.

"I gathered together my team of happy -"

Another cough came from the corner, this one slightly louder than the previous.

"Fine. I gathered together my team of helpers who I'd persuaded to help by threatening to disable the ability for the fridge to dispense junk food and told them the plan. I gave them each a camera and left them to do their duty, trusting that my threats would deliver."

* * *

"Sure enough, when we all met up two weeks later, I had an abundance of Hedge moments to work with. If you haven't already guessed, what I'd sent them out to do was tape Hedge when he wasn't looking if he did anything silly or whatever. This includes yelling at the wrestlers he watched on the TV in his room (I had to resist using a lot of John Cena footage), forcing another crew member to do press ups and other weird... I mean loving things the Coach did.

I spent about three weeks trying to compile these into the perfect Mini Hedge but I eventually hit on something that was very Coach-like and would give us such fond memories of our time aboard ship with him.

* * *

As Leo paused for breath, a loud guffaw came from the door. He turned in shock to see Coach Hedge bent over laughing... Was that a tear he could see the the Coach's eye?

After several minutes the noise died down and Hedge cleared his throat.

"Alright, Valdez. I've decided to let you live because that was one of the funniest tales I've heard in my lifetime."

"Thanks Coach, I guess. I was going to add more, but I'm scared my pardon will be revoked if I do, so that's that kids. Will is going to tell the next story because I have something I need to do. Don't worry, though. I'll be back at the end with a very special surprise for you all."

Leo walked out the room, leaving some very perplexed people behind. Nobody knew of his plan except for Calypso. Even Will only knew he had to tell a story to the kids to keep them entertained for the night. Leo grinned wickedly. This was going to be the best Christmas yet.

* * *

**A/N: I really hope you enjoyed this. What's Leo plotting, I wonder! (I do have a plan don't worry!) Sorry about how late this is. I'm going to get right to writing the next one which will be another one shot for my 100 One-Shot Challenge. Bye!**


	12. The Last Laugh

**A/N: Merry Christmas Eve everyone! I skipped yesterday because I didn't have the energy for poetry and, honestly, I don't now either. I'll do it at some point soon. Anyway, for the eleventh day of FanFiction I present to you...**

* * *

The Last Laugh

Leo walked out and wandered down the corridor to a room he'd commandeered earlier in the evening. It was furnished very sparsely with only a wooden table and two uncomfortable looking chairs. On the table lay and array of mechanical toys he'd made over the past week. Most of them weren't quite finished, however, which is why he had cornered Will and told him to tell the children some sort of funny story while he did this. Although he hadn't exactly specified what 'this' was, meaning great confusion for Will. Oh well. It was sure to turn out fine.

* * *

Will gulped as he gazed at the sea of children before him. He was good with children, great in fact. Hope could attest to that. He just wasn't good at talking to them. Telling them about medical things, sure. Explaining what was the matter with them, piece of cake. But telling them funny stories? No. Why, oh why, did Leo have to do this to him?

Okay, he had something. It was very good but it was something. Well, here goes nothing.

* * *

"Okay, kids. Um... I'm Will and I've been asked to tell you a story while Leo does... Whatever he's doing. Er..."

Will's voice trailed off as he looked at the blank faces of the children. Nothing he said would ever be right. He glanced pleadingly at the other adults in the room.

"Help" he mouthed.

Jason sighed and walked over to Will's chair.

"Alright kids. Will here seems to be struggling a little so I'll tell you how we," he pointed to the rest of the Seven. "Got Will and Nico together."

* * *

Will face palmed and groaned. "This wasn't the kind of help I had in mind, Jason."

"I don't care. That's the help you're getting. You want to do it on your own again?"

Will shook his head.

"Thought not. Alright, we had known that the two liked each other for months now, but they were both too obtuse to see it. So what we did was orchestrate a little plot to get them to confess their love.

The first thing we did was invite them both down to the lake for a supposed 'camp meeting'. Percy used his powers over water to make it absolutely still and crystal clear. When they got there I conjured up a small breeze which made Will offer Nico his jumper to wear because Apollo kids are naturally warm at all times. It was huge on Nico but it was very cute."

* * *

"We persuaded Frank to turn into a cloud of fireflies which lit up the scene beautifully and Hazel summoned some precious gems to sit just on the surface so they caught the light of the fireflies and bounced the light everywhere. Leo had rigged up a sound system with some very soft music and a few other contraptions around the place. All Piper had to do was camp out with us in our tree because her mere presence radiated love and romance, being a daughter of Aphrodite and all."

"I badly wanted to charmspeak them into confessing their love and kissing but even I know that's against the rules of love," Piper interjected.

"Annabeth, obviously, was the brains behind this little plot. She made sure we were all in the correct position and that everything was perfect. They stood awkwardly together for ages as if waiting for something to happen. When they realised it was all a ruse, Nico turned to leave but Will made him stay. After several hours there was a spark and eventually Will confessed all. It was very romantic and pretty and I'm sure they're both very happy I told you this."

* * *

Jason beamed at the children who all sat enthralled. Will and Nico were both bright red. Nico was covering his face with his hands and it seemed like he was trying to sink into the floor.

Suddenly there was a loud jingling noise and Leo burst into the room. He was wearing a too-big Santa outfit and carrying a large bag of presents.

"Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas! I met Santa in the hall and he said he had a load of presents for you but couldn't deliver them himself because he had no time so he gave them to me to give! Come over here and get them!"

The adults in the room smiled as the kids swarmed Leo. He had crafted them all amazing snow globes that were unique to each one of them and came to life when you shook them. It really was a fantastic Christmas.

* * *

Leo beamed as the room emptied. He'd really enjoyed these past two days talking to the kids and he'd really miss it. Who knows, though? Maybe they'd ask him to do it again even if it did mean their constant embarrassment. Leo smiled at the thought and headed out after Calypso and their kids, switching off the lights as he went.

* * *

**A/N: I actually feel really sad at finishing this. I've really enjoyed writing it and I've had it going since November last year so it's kind of become a thing that's constant. I probably sound really silly. Anyway, please review and I'll be updating my 100 One Shot Challenge tomorrow. Bye!**


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